The Nostalgia Series: Every Day Is April Fool’s Day (Beer Yard 2006)

Long ago and far away, when we were young and excited and could all laugh at one another, April 1 was always a special day at the Beer Yard website (as it was and still is for many others), and as part of retelling our craft beer history in the Nostalgia Series, I figured some laughs would be more than appropriate. And so here we go, back to April 1, 2006 and the stories that appeared that morning.

The Bengel Report

“Dan is new to beer writing but he’s already perfectly suited for the job,” says his friend and sometimes aide Steve “youse guys” Rubeo. “He never wants to pay for a beer and he’s always snooping around where he’s not wanted.”

Reacting to complaints that all the news here at The Beer Yard “reads like it was being writting by some tired old guy pecking away at his computer out in the sticks somewhere,” we have added raconteur and Pottstown bon vivant Dan Bengel to our editorial staff. He will produce a regular feature to complement our weekly and boring Monday Morning Brew.

“Dan is new to beer writing but he’s already perfectly suited for the job,” says his friend and sometimes aide Steve “youse guys” Rubeo. “He never wants to pay for a beer and he’s always snooping around where he’s not wanted.”

This is Dan Bengel, with all the news that I can remember. It was a long week…

Word from Heavyweight is that Tom and Peggy are making a soy stout for those who can’t drink milk stout…I hear that Dogfish Head is making a chicken and dumpling beer to get the over-65 crowd into their brewpub. It’s based on an 83-year old recipe created by Sam’s 85-year old grandmother in her crib…

Barrel-aged beers are all the rage these days. Down at Monk’s, Tom Peters is reportedly aging his Flemish Sour in old coke barrels for people who want a real cherry coke and we hear that Weyerbacher will be putting its wheat beer in bourbon barrels this year…Out at Sly Fox, Brian O’Reilly has announced he’s moving on from 12oz cans of Pikeland :Pils and Phoenix Pale into a 7oz canning program, with Ichor quadruple being the first brand in the new line. “This married thing can be a strain at times,” he said, “and when you need a quick pick-me-up. a 750ml bottle is too big and a 12oz can at 5% is too small. A 7oz can at 10.5%? That’ll be just right”…

And This Just In! Victory Brewing Co. is buying the old Sunnybrook Brewery. It’s not quite clear yet what the plan is, but insiders say that Ron and Bill are not necessarily looking to expand but rather looking to move their business to a location a certain Richard Ruch is not likely to visit every day. Every damned day! All day!

This is Dan, signing off, with a thought for the day: young man, you owe me a beer….

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Beer Yard Expands, New Acquisitions Will Change Local Beer Scene Forever

Guyer buys everything in sight

“I just got tired of all the bickering,” Beer Yard owner and parttime employee Matt Guyer told a press conference in Wayne early this morning as he announced that he had acquired Yards Brewing Company, Kunda Beverage and Friedland Distributing as part of a complex financial deal which gives him almost as much influence in the Philadelhia beer commnity as Tom Peters.

“And I just might go after Monk’s next,” Guyer said.

Guyer, who acknowledged that he’d been saving for months now “to maybe buy a house or Belgium or something,” decided to instead expand his empire into wholesaling and brewing “so I won’t get, you know, bored all the time.”

Kunda Beverage and Friedland Distribution agreed to have the former acquire the latter and all its brands in an deal announced what seems like years ago but things have been hung up over a position taken by Yards Brewing with regard to, documents show, ownership of “some driver named Roy.” Guyer said that under his ownership, “everybody will be on the same page and they’ll each get all the Roy they can handle.”

As part of the new corporate structure, happy-go-lucky Beer Yard employee Mark Sauerbrey will be in charge of customer and public relations. “It’s a job Mark was born to do,” said Guyer. “His love for people is legendary.”

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