Presented because the best defense is a good offense.
Even though Lew skewered me, quite appropriately I admit, for Ruch-like behavior when I posted this, I press on in my slide to the dark side one more once, albeit with a caveat built in to show that I recognize the path I am walking.
Live and not learn, that’s my motto. Or maybe it’s the onset of Alzheimer’s. A little dementia goes a long way these days. I could go into politics and seem perfectly fine.
Also, what the headline says.
Here’s the thing. My pal and old college roommate Gerry C., whose birthday and mine are a mere two days apart and may or may not be occurring this month (don’t trust everything you read or hear, I am an SOB*), sent this along last week as a reminder of our steady deterioration.
If this post seems in character and tone very similar to the regular spamming that many of you are subjected to from a local old-timer of notoriety—sans the dirty jokes, obsession with large breasts and, until the very last item, unseemly bodily functions—well, at least I didn’t email it to you. You came here of your own free will.
The Perks of reaching 50,
or being over 60 and heading towards 70
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run -anywhere.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, did I wake you?
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won’t wear out.
You can eat supper at 4 p.m.
You can live without sex but not your glasses.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in - no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won’t get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends - because, they can’t remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
You can’t remember who sent you this list.
Notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. And forward them to every one you can remember right now before it’s too late.
Finally, NEVER, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night!
Let the ageist jokes begin. You know you want to.
*Sneaky Old Bastard
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