Jack Curtin’s LIQUID DIET

The now self-designated The Invaluable Carl P (told you I’d regret using that description), driven slightly mad by his assignment to spend my money like a drunken ex-Border Patrol agent buying West Coast beers and shipping them East, decided to go crazy and spend more than $2.99 on a sixer of Natty Light and go for a real beer* last night, specifically a bottle of the Deschutes 2009 Reserve The Abyss I wrote about on Friday.

He has sent me his impressions of same in a desperate plea for attention, a “be careful what you wish for” error of magnificent proportions.

It ain’t pretty, beginning with Exclamation Points Run Wild!! in the initial paragraph:

I did NOT drink a whole bottle of wine before I tried this strong stuff! I am smarter than that! I did go to a port tasting earlier but then after that had merely a glass of a fine Portuguese red wine. Then it was off to the nearby super great food market where I found a great deal on a small Rib Eye roast (bone-in) and decided that would be a fine dinner!

I came home, got The Abyss (here after known as TA) out of the icebox and let it start to warm as I prepped the oven (set at 350 degrees) and the roastette (It is small, thus the “ette” nomenclature). I used a heavy dose of the World’s Best Meat Coating Stuff (AKA McCormick’s Broiled Steak Seasoning) and once the oven was at 350, I put the roast in to cook.

I had to make a fast run to a store nearby so did so as the roast started cooking and the TA warmed a bit so that it would be at the right temperature to start drinking as per your instructions.

Once I was home, I opened the TA after carving all that stupid wax shit off the top of the bottle and poured some of the brew into a glass. Wow, you are right! Awesome head on this stuff and a great nose to it. (I am glad I learned it is called a nose, not an aroma) It is like a syrup but without the Log Cabin on the label or any of that other New England stuff. Maybe not quite like a syrup as it is runnier than a syrup but it is thicker than a regular beer. Maybe it isn’t a syrup at all but a thick beer? Now I am starting to get undecided, almost to the point of being confusered (TM and Copyright 1992, Carl Pietrantonio) about it all, but it tasted really nice!

Soon, I was taking pretty regular sips of this stuff as I surfed the web and learned great stuff about deviant ad posters and such on the You Tube! It meshed perfectly with finding new, weird shit on the Internet! Under the influence of this wonderful brew, I have added great and fun stuff to The Facebooks and hope that is amusing to friends.

After a while of sipping at this, the prime rib roast was ready. I reloaded my glass of this awesome porter and sliced a nice thick slab of fatty and lovely meat from the roast and sat and ate. The porter went perfectly with it and soon I was not only full of great greasy meat, but also of delicious thick delicious and well balanced porter!

I never bought this expensive a beer. Wine, yes, but beer no. I have maybe learned something and though it hurts to say so, I would not have learned this if it wasn’t for my Best Pal in the World. Thanks for leading me to this delicious beer! This was a delicious brew and I think that it is good that you have led me to this! Thanks from a pal!

* To be fair, he is actually a regular at Boundary Bay Brewery & Bistro, which means I won’t be welcome there when and if I go out to visit him in Bellingham next summer.

Tags: Fun Stuff, Other Voices, Website //